Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize