I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
