why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
