I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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