We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
