dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
