I accidentally had phone sex last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
