Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
