Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
