A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
