And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
