barbara walters just said penis...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
