Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
