you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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