how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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