ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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