My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
