I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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