LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
