How'd it feel making her break her religion?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
