so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
