My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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