my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
