best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
