i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
