What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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