apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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