I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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