She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
