Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
