2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked a lego.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize