apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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