That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
