I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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