I'm so fucking centered right now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
