i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
