So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
