just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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