your parents love me but you hate me
Where is the hickey?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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