Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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