i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
