what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
