He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
home. puking in laundry basket.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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