I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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