I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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