you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
