I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The beers last night were like the tears from god
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
