Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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