oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
