He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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