i think my mom watched the whole time
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
