he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
