Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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