Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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