what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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