I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
