I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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