After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
