I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
