yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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