How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
