Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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