Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
