Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
