I think im going to throw up on grandma
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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