Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
