My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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