i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
