Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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