she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
