You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
