I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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