I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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