I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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