My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
