My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
