I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
