She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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