dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
