That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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