I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
