Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
