it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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