Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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