He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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