I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize