i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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