What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
