Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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