I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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